how to take a compliment without flinching

(and why it actually matters)

most people are bad at receiving compliments. like really bad. you’ve seen it, the awkward laugh, the quick deflection, the self-deprecating joke, the immediate “oh, no, not really.” sometimes it’s subtle. sometimes it’s painful. either way, it’s a missed opportunity.

and if you’re reading this thinking “yep, that’s me”, good. let’s talk about it.

why we reject praise

people think deflecting compliments is humble. it’s not. it’s actually a weird form of control. when someone says something kind, generous, or admiring, & you immediately swat it away, you’re basically saying: your perception is wrong, mine is right.

that’s not humility. that’s ego in disguise.

a compliment is someone handing you a gift. if your first instinct is to throw it back, ask yourself: what part of you feels unworthy of it? because that’s the part running the show.

the mechanics of receiving

here’s the playbook. it’s short:

1. say “thank you.”

not “thank you, but—”

not “thanks, but i don’t know…”

just “thank you.” full stop. let it land. resist the urge to qualify or explain.

2. breathe.

you’ll feel a twinge of discomfort. that’s normal. that’s the old wiring firing off (“don’t be arrogant,” “stay small,” “they’ll think you’re full of yourself”). ignore it. it’s outdated software.

3. believe them.

not in a narcissistic way. just… trust that they meant it. even if you can’t fully internalize the compliment yet, try to accept that their experience of you is valid. their truth doesn’t have to match your inner critic.

why this matters more than you think

learning to receive positive feedback, really receive it, isn’t just about self-confidence. it’s about connection.

when someone praises you, they’re trying to connect. they’re saying “i see you,” “you matter,” “you did something that impacted me.” if you can’t let that in, you’re rejecting more than the words, you’re rejecting the relationship.

this is especially important for people who aren’t used to consistent praise. maybe you grew up in a high-criticism environment. maybe your work or identity is undervalued. maybe you’ve learned to brace for judgment instead of kindness.

so when compliments do come, they feel foreign. suspicious. even dangerous.

but the thing is the more you push praise away, the more you reinforce the lie that you don’t deserve it.

so

receiving a compliment is a skill. like any skill, it takes practice. it requires stillness, presence, and the courage to stay open when your instinct is to deflect.

it’s hard. but it’s worth it.

and next time someone tells you something good about yourself, just pause & say:

thank you.

then shut up & let it change you.

if this hit you in the chest, you’re not alone.