Thanks for sharing this. Child of first-gen immigrants, not much space for "feelings" or even believing in one's inherent goodness (i.e. it was earned via achievement/performance.)
One thing that has helped me a ton -- internal family systems (IFS). One of the few modalities I've done that steps away from the thinking brain, into the somatic (feeling). It's taken me 45+ years to feel "positive emotions" (joy, awe, delight, love) but here we are.
Great post. I still struggle with this. It often comes out of nowhere during in-person interactions. Working on tamping down on my initial reaction and responding exactly as you are saying.
So many of us have an overactive Critical Voice in our brain that's afraid we'll become lazy and complacent if we accept a compliment (an idea which, itself, comes from the Critical Voice).
Over the past 3 years I've been practicing turning down the volume on my Critical Voice and turning up the volume on the Positive Voice. Allowing myself to feel good, build myself up, be my own cheerleader.
Far from making me complacent, I find I now have far more energy & motivation because I'm not constantly suppressing myself.
it hit me in the chest. because i reject the notion of being valuable for others. and the part of me that only wants to lead feels miserable because im not honoring my gift of being a bridge of connection
what's strange is that deflection happens before we're even aware. but like you said we need to be more present and practice the habit. another great post!
Thanks for sharing this. Child of first-gen immigrants, not much space for "feelings" or even believing in one's inherent goodness (i.e. it was earned via achievement/performance.)
One thing that has helped me a ton -- internal family systems (IFS). One of the few modalities I've done that steps away from the thinking brain, into the somatic (feeling). It's taken me 45+ years to feel "positive emotions" (joy, awe, delight, love) but here we are.
Great post. I still struggle with this. It often comes out of nowhere during in-person interactions. Working on tamping down on my initial reaction and responding exactly as you are saying.
So many of us have an overactive Critical Voice in our brain that's afraid we'll become lazy and complacent if we accept a compliment (an idea which, itself, comes from the Critical Voice).
Over the past 3 years I've been practicing turning down the volume on my Critical Voice and turning up the volume on the Positive Voice. Allowing myself to feel good, build myself up, be my own cheerleader.
Far from making me complacent, I find I now have far more energy & motivation because I'm not constantly suppressing myself.
it hit me in the chest. because i reject the notion of being valuable for others. and the part of me that only wants to lead feels miserable because im not honoring my gift of being a bridge of connection
So true. Also what’s this vibe shift in the writing — all personal heartfelt advice and no pithy cultural take?!
what's strange is that deflection happens before we're even aware. but like you said we need to be more present and practice the habit. another great post!
On deflecting compliments, someone said "I can give you your flowers, but it's up to you to water them"
I read it in an poem somewhere, can't remember the origin
Lol - that's me. Next time, I will say "Thank you"!
Praise from others is a mirror for your gratitude journal… capture both just the same, with grace and thanks.